Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
