I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
