i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
