since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
