Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
