Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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