When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
