Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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