Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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