it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
