You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
