she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The uberlube is also flammable
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize