How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize