She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
