Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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