these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
