State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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