Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
