Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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