we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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