Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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