Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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