seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
