omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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