i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
