alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
