I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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