we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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