is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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