so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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