It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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