dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
