Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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