hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
