I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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