we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
