Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
