im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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