Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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