It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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