I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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