This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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