I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
