all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
