I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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