Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
