Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
