if i can run in heels then i can drive
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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