so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
