The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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