oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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