Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
