Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy