JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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