Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i came on her dog
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".