Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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