I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
