i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
