you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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