Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
