The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
