Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
