i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
