Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My hand turned me down
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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