I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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