So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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