So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
