He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
