I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
