just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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