He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think my vagina is haunted
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
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I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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